Heart's Ache
by sierrad18
Summary: Why did she feel this way? What was going on? They are just friends, after all. So, why does her heart ache like this? First "story." Mergana Oneshot. Hinting of Arwen, because it was fun to add. Set early in series two. Please review. Let me know if this is garbage or if the idea is at least decent.
1. The Crazy Girl

The italics are thoughts straight from Morgana. Hopefully this is not too awful. It's the first "story" I've written. Oneshot Mergana. Actually inspired by the Briteny Spears song "Perfume.." What even.

Anywho, here we go….

* * *

Why was she so mad?

Why was this affecting her like it was?

All she wanted to do was spray on load after load of her specially made perfume, so much so that even after just a hug people would smell it from miles away. The edge of all the Five Kingdoms for all she cared. All Morgana really wanted was for that woman to be slapped in the face with the realization that she couldn't have him.

Whoa. Wait. What was she thinking?

_Hold on, now. You're being absurd. You don't really mean any of this…._

Problem is she did mean that; every single detail, down to the last tickled nose.

_No, no, no. Calm down Morgana. Think this through._

Okay, maybe she did wish all of those things. But there had to be a reasonable explanation. Right? There was no way she lo…lov… No! That was most definitely not her reason. No matter what Gwen said, she did not have those types of feelings toward the boy.

_Gwen. What would she know about that anyway? I mean, she can barely look at Arthur without her cheeks looking like someone had set fire to them! _

Ugh, now there were some people who couldn't fess up to their love. She and Merlin were not like that. No, they had a rather relaxed friendship. It was so comfortable Morgana felt like she could truly say whatever was on her mind. Her troubles, her hopes, her dreams… It had been her dreams that propelled them toward where they were today. Trust. That's one thing she felt she was able to do with him. She could trust him with everything. It really was quite sweet, that he was always there for her.

She found herself smiling that same stupid smile she always had when she thought about how wonderful their friendship really was these days. She was just glad no one was around to ask her why she was smiling as she was. You see, there is quite a difference between her smiles at public events and her smiles around her friends. Especially when it came to her friendship with Merlin.

But that's all it was! A friendship. She may just have to tell that to Gwen until they both wither away into a pile of old lady ashes. There was a thought….Why Gwen would never cease to ask about a "relationship" was beyond her. It would never happen. It couldn't happen, more importantly. She'll just have to drill that into Gwen's head as she had done to her own.

Not that she'd ever said she loved him! Just that she couldn't possibly get his hopes up and make it something more than it could be. She was the King's ward for goodness sake.

_You need to stop overthinking all of this. You'll drive yourself mad. _

She continued to walk around her room, bored and alone; just the same as her nights, only not quite so terrifying. She can see in broad daylight. But she's terrified of what she can't see, sometimes you can only feel. Feeling seems to worry her the most. Feeling scared, feeling alone, or worst, having her heart ache with those strong feelings toward Merlin that she could no longer force to hide in the corner of her brain today. Yes, Morgana was definitely most afraid of what she could not see, only feel.

_That's it, you've lost it. You're going to spend the rest of today wishing Merlin was with you and you're not going to get what you want because he's off with that girl who started this horrible train of thought. _

Now she needed that perfume. It was custom, not a soul would ever share this scent unless she wanted them to have it. That's what she wanted. She wanted everyone, _no not everyone_, just that woman who decided to show up from who knows where and steal Merlin's attention away.

Okay, that's it. She had to go through with it. Not because she loved him, of course! She just had to get rid of that stupid woman, whose name she can't even remember. She just had to call him back and smother him in a hug. She could surly find a way to pass that off as normal. His clothing just had to carry enough of that perfume to smell like there was someone he cared a great deal for. No spectacle was to be made; just enough to make sure that other woman would learn she couldn't have him.

Not that he belonged to anyone… No, he did not belong to anyone.

So, why did that make her heart ache all the more?


	2. The Stupid Boy

So, I've decided to add on to the initial oneshot. *dun dun duuuun*

The reviews meant so much to me, I cannot even begin to express my gratitude to all who even took the time to read it!

I kind of left story with an open ending (my intention) but I've now made a semi-reaction chapter from Merlin's POV (not my first intention). Guess I wanted to see if I could extend it and make it enjoyable. Crossing my fingers!

Let me know, guys (: Love you all!

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Was he insane?

Maybe he really did have a mental affliction, because this could not be happening.

He was being consumed by a wonderfully, bright scent. A cross between sweet, top of the season apples and crisp fall air.

_How does one bottle such a thing?_

It was beyond him.

He truly didn't care about going back out to see Lithanna, the girl who had been pestering the living day lights out of him since she showed up in Camelot. He was about two seconds from blasting himself away from her before he got word that Morgana requested his immediate presence. Merlin didn't care if she needed him as a stepping stool, he was thankful to get away from that clingy newcomer.

What surprised him was that upon arriving in her chambers, Morgana all but ran over and dealt him the tightest hug he had ever received. There was a vise like grip on that girl.

But instead of letting go after a second or two she held on. Almost as if her life depended on this one hug. Merlin could hardly breathe, yet he stood frozen with an odd sense of joy in that moment, which felt more like a week, and couldn't bare to move away. Once he was released, he was hit by wave after crashing wave of the perfume now covering him. It was beautiful, like the first bloom of a morning flower. Utterly intoxicating.

And just like that, he was dismissed. Morgana simply said she wanted to thank him for being trustworthy friend. That was that. Goodbye.

_Umm, okay that was quite odd, actually... _

Well, all that mattered now was that the perfume wrapped around him like a blanket in the winter, warming every inch of his rapidly beating heart. It was the sense of euphoria which accompanied the scent he didn't quite understand, nor wanted to accept, _considering the origin_...

He really needed to stop his line of thought before his usually pale face was inadvertently set ablaze. It really was not fair. Most men of Camelot wouldn't bat an eye at the most vulgar of jokes, yet he stood there with bright red cheeks because the smell of fall apples was surrounding him. Or, at least the scent was a large part of this. The real concern here was who that ever so sweet perfume belonged to and how it was transferred to him...

_A hug doesn't mean a thing, Merlin. Even if she held so tight your soul was almost transferred from your body... What is wrong with you? You simply cannot go to a question that could never exist_.

To say someone fancied him was a stretch. But to even think Morgana? That was almost enough to earn him a spot on the guillotine before sunrise. The thought caused him to shudder a bit.

Well, it didn't really matter that much. She would never see him as more than the good friend he was. Friends hug. Maybe not the extent of cracking your ribs, but it was a simple, friendly gesture.

He just had to chase these crazy thoughts out of his mind. She wouldn't, no, couldn't love him back. Not that he loved her or anything stupid like that.

_Darn you, Arthur!_

Yes, Merlin blamed Arthur for ever bringing up that he might have feelings for Morgana. It was completely insane, and of course, not approved of. Though the latter is beside the point. He didn't have any romantic feelings toward her. Your mortal enemy could bring you flowers; doesn't mean they've secretly loved you their whole life! Gosh. He just wanted to help her. Wanted to be sure that she never felt as alone in the world as he had basically his entire life. Morgana wasn't alone, she had Merlin as a dear friend.

_Always as the friend... _

Ouch. Reality always made his heart sink, but this was a different type of pain; his heart was consumed by the most horrendous hollow ache. And he hadn't the slightest clue what it was from.

_Yes, you do. You know exactly why your heart has a seemingly unreachable dull ache_.

What on earth, he had to stop with this! He might go crazy and have the guts (_or stupidity_) to act on these... Feelings. But that could never happen. Nothing would ever come of something so foolish. Even if he had those,_ feelings_, they would never be returned.

And, for what he claimed to be an inexplicable reason, he felt his heart drop again.


End file.
